8:00am – Wake up. Go for jog.

8:32am – Actually wake up. Promise you’ll go for jog tomorrow.

8:33am – Check email. Browse message boards. Pour very large mug of coffee. Tweet something about how coffee is a writer’s life blood.

8:34am – Check for retweets.

8:37am – Check for retweets.

8:40am – File complaint to Twitter saying your account must be broken, as you assume you must have at least 20 retweets by now but none are showing up.

8:52am – Start working on first writing assignment of day. Brainstorm ways to turn it into list.

9:08am – Food break!

10:12am – StarCraft II break!

11:00am – Search YouTube for “puppies being stupid.”

11:01am – Giggle.

12:04pm – Continue working on first writing assignment of day. Tweet something about how you love your life because you don’t have to wear pants to work.

12:07pm – Check for retweets.

1:00pm – Lunch break!

1:32pm – Start mentally planning out what you want to do for dinner. Google “interesting recipes.” Google “interesting, cheap recipes.” Google “recipes for writers.” Google “ways to improve ramen.”

1:35pm – Google own name. Google names of high school enemies. Feel smug about how many more results you get.

2:03pm – Call and interview source. Turn on voice recorder so you can play Minesweeper instead of typing up notes.

2:35pm – Start second writing assignment of day. Send email to editor asking if he’ll cut down the word count in exchange for more pretty pictures.

3:02pm – Enter heated Twitter debate about nature of journalism. Google names of people who disagree with you. Silently judge them based on how many followers they have.

3:45pm – Wonder how long it would take anyone to notice if you keeled over and died.

3:53pm – Start drinking.

4:02pm – Can’t write while drinking. Take break to play videogames.

5:30pm – Continue working on second writing assignment of day. Rephrase sentences to optimize SEO. Imagine yourself winning Pulitzer for Best SEO.

6:55pm – Tweet complaint about how there’s never enough time in the day to do everything you want to do.

7:30pm – Dinner break!

8:05pm – Start drinking again.

9:30pm – Start working on personal writing project.

9:31pm – Start trying to see how many times you can spin desk chair without puking.

9:40pm – Puke.

9:50pm – Start working on personal writing project.

9:51pm – Count number of hairs on your arm.

10:01pm – Lose track. Start over.

10:20pm – Tweet something about how the day of a freelance writer is never over.

10:21pm – Go to bed.

10:30pm – Check for retweets.